HAHAHAHAHAA

WELP. THAT DIDN'T TAKE LONG.

Remember that time I said Tinder was staying gone from my life indefinitely?

Let's all laugh together.

It's been 3 weeks of sulking since I was royally dumped on my arse, and that's 2 weeks and 6 days too long for my taste. Even though a part of me is more than happy to pout for an eternity, the not-psycho part of me is dragging me kicking and screaming back to the Tinder wasteland. I cleared some apps for my phone, turned on my Boss playlist (consists of Beyoncé, Nicki Minaj, and Meghan Trainor to name a few plz don't judge me), clicked the download button and waited for regret and pain to follow. Instead, I felt nothing. I think I have permanently cleansed myself of all bad feelings associated with Tinder. Which is good. I think the vibes you have while swiping are transferred electronically and the person on the other end can sense them. So if I have positive energy I will attract less weirdos. Trust Me I Am An Expert.™

As I logged on, I immediately changed all my pictures. Most of them were 2-3 years old. I have a theory that 22 year old Makenzie attracts different people than 25 year old Makenzie. Less coeds that are still finding their way through life and more guys that have careers and know how to do their own taxes. I mean, I'm still figuring out taxes but it's good if at least one of us knows how to do that.

Next was the bio. When I logged back in it was, "Talents include rapping Super Bass flawlessly and avoiding confrontation." Another past favorite I remember having was "swipe left if you don't consider Pluto a planet." Short quips are excellent conversation starters and reveal absolutely nothing about my life other than I am funny. And if they don't think so, then I didn't want to be talking to them anyway. I quickly changed it to, "My cat doesn't like you and she likes everyone." Satisfied with this pop culture reference mixed with the fact that I will always love my cat more than I love any person, I start swiping.

I swipe right a few times, and swipe left a few hundred times. I always forget how picky I am. But remembering that this was the formula I used for all past dates and didn't have any issues finding normal guys, I trench on and resist the urge to swipe right on those who say they have a thing for redheads in their bio. As the matches start to pop up, I already felt significantly better. I should probably seek help for the rush I get from strangers validating my attractiveness on the internet, but that's besides the point. The point is I am getting back on the stupid horse. Because sometimes the ride is really wonderful and exhilarating and sometimes you get bucked off and eat dirt. But it's still better than walking. There is no end goal or "I'm going on a date every week until I die" thing. That's exhausting. I'm going with the flow, and will be blogging my adventures along the way. I am perfectly content being single forever, but who says I can't be a hot 65 year old still going on dates? WHO SAYS???

For those curious about the content of my previously mentioned Boss playlist, here's one of my favorite songs that I feel very much relates to Tinder and is good for the single soul. Enjoy.