THE TAPE

HIIIIIIIII.

Apparently I'm just typing in all caps now, and I apologize for that.

I've just literally been having dreams about being on the Bachelor and Arie schmoozing me and also being a giant terd (HOW DARE HE CUT ME BEFORE OVERNIGHTS) and it's gotten me a little too excited about something that is likely to never occur. I blame all the new Taylor Swift music for my new found confidence.

So, I did it. I made a stupid tape with my stupid face and I'm going to pay actual stupid money to ship this to a stupid casting department. I've done stupider things, to be honest.

DISCLAIMER: This is not supposed to be funny and is not going to sound anything like my blog posts. There is a reason I'm a blogger and not a vlogger, because they are two very different things. First of all, filming and editing this video took HOURS. And it's still not even that good! But I can be in my underoos and look like I woke up in a dumpster and pop out something entertaining in like 20 minutes on my blog. So due to my extreme lack of motivation I will just stick to what I know and love, which is typing in ALL CAPS TO MY HEART'S CONTENT WITH A DELETE BUTTON AT MY FINGERTIPS.

But here goes nothing. I am putting this in the mail box tomorrow. I'd be embarrassed about it if I had any kind of pride left in my body. But that died back when I decided to publicize my affinity for dating strangers through the internet last summer.

Also, it's not super short. I had 25 minutes of footage and managed to edit it down to 8 minutes, so ya'll be grateful. Here is the only thing that the people at ABC may ever hear from me, or the beginning to a beautiful ginger train wreck.

ENJOY.

*This tape has been deleted as well as any evidence I was ever an Arie supporter, thank you for your understanding. - Management*