The last memory I have of asking a boy out was in high school. And due to PTSD from that experience I have not attempted again for literally a decade. I've done the subtle chasing and dropped not-so-hard-to-get vibes, but full on going up to a guy and asking them on a date is something that has only since happened in my nightmares.
Until a week ago.
I don't know what came over me. Demonic possession? A heat stroke? Not sure. TBD. All I know is there was no way I was not going to have a date with this guy by the end of the day. No whey.
We'll call this boy... Peter. Like Peter Priesthood. Lol.
I had a faraway crush that rapidly spiraled when I found out Peter was moving out of our ward boundaries in a few weeks and that gave me little to no time to formulate an actual game plan to get him to ask me out... so I kicked myself into gear.
Even though I am not an expert in this field, I feel like I totes nailed it on the first try so I am going to give ya'll a handy guide to asking your next man friend out instead of hoping that if you stare at him long enough he'll get the message.
Asking a Guy Out in 6 Easy Peasy Steps
This was simple. When you have your eyes on a genuinely kind person whose only reason to say no is if they are getting married on the day you are asking them out, then you can't go wrong. I'm not saying this makes it any easier, I'm just saying they'll make a real effort to pretend to be excited and it will make you feel a lot better and not like you just made a huge mistake.
2. Have zero witnesses.
As if you're not already going to have a heart attack just trying to get the words to come out of your mouth, having a ton of people around is going to make it worse. Just do what I did and wait until he is the last person to leave the church parking lot so that he has nowhere to run.
3. Plan something that doesn't suck.
Living in Utah Valley with plenty of date night activities is cheating a little bit. Especially with a born and raised Utah boy. You want to plan something you know they'll enjoy, but something that has room enough to freestyle. If he likes the outdoors, like Peter does, take a walk literally anywhere. If he is more indoorsy, like muah, still try to do something active so that you can be too preoccupied to overanalyze every elbow brush that happens.
4. Bring a support system like a friend/family member/emotional support animal.
If Lily was the kind of cat that enjoyed a leash, I would have brought her with us. That's how nervous I was to be completely alone with him. I last minute invited my brother to bring a date because I knew he would make me feel more comfortable and I decided if Peter hated my family, it wouldn't take five dates to figure that out. I highly recommend going on sibling dates because you can quickly gauge if your date jives with them or is secretly dialing 911 underneath the table.
5. Be yourself.
Even if you didn't dress correctly for the horrific kitchen oven that was the outside, it is important to act normal and cool because you are happy-go-lucky and not high-maintenance-go-grumpy. All that sweat now drenching your entire body is just a way to show him how carefree you actually are and a way to see if he is repulsed by your natural scent. Pro tip: Complaining loudly about said weather does not actually change the weather, apparently.
6. Graciously step back into the friend zone from whence you came.
When ending the date and dropping him off at the door like a freaking lady, it is now your job to see if they would be interested in going out again. A way to avoid complete humiliation is by not straight up asking them the question, but making a statement as follows: "So, like, I had fun and like, I would be down to see you again, um, but, that's like, up to you, so, if you just want to stay friends that's totally cool and stuff, um, yeah." If he basically says nothing, you have been gently escorted back into Friendzone-topia. If he does in fact want to see you again, this is where he is supposed to say that, I think. I'm not sure. I'm comfortable in the friend zone, I bought a nice timeshare here that came with free Netflix and ice cream. So ha. Joke is on you. This is what I wanted.
7. Lock your keys in your car just in case you wanted to look more stupid.
In my conscious mind, I was walking him to his door, leaving my keys in the car with the doors unlocked, and driving home safe and sound. Subconsciously, my brain was storing the information that my car will automatically lock itself but didn't feel like giving that information to my conscious brain. So now my conscious is suing and it's this huge lawsuit, blah blah blah. But neither my conscious nor my subconscious would be aware of my subtle rejection and that it would be insanely awkward to have to knock on his door and tell him the wonderful news. Pros: Longer date. Cons: Longer date.
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| I couldn't find this as a GIF but this truly captures that moment. |
8. Call the cops to unlock your car, and move to Uzbekistan.
