THE TAPE

HIIIIIIIII.

Apparently I'm just typing in all caps now, and I apologize for that.

I've just literally been having dreams about being on the Bachelor and Arie schmoozing me and also being a giant terd (HOW DARE HE CUT ME BEFORE OVERNIGHTS) and it's gotten me a little too excited about something that is likely to never occur. I blame all the new Taylor Swift music for my new found confidence.

So, I did it. I made a stupid tape with my stupid face and I'm going to pay actual stupid money to ship this to a stupid casting department. I've done stupider things, to be honest.

DISCLAIMER: This is not supposed to be funny and is not going to sound anything like my blog posts. There is a reason I'm a blogger and not a vlogger, because they are two very different things. First of all, filming and editing this video took HOURS. And it's still not even that good! But I can be in my underoos and look like I woke up in a dumpster and pop out something entertaining in like 20 minutes on my blog. So due to my extreme lack of motivation I will just stick to what I know and love, which is typing in ALL CAPS TO MY HEART'S CONTENT WITH A DELETE BUTTON AT MY FINGERTIPS.

But here goes nothing. I am putting this in the mail box tomorrow. I'd be embarrassed about it if I had any kind of pride left in my body. But that died back when I decided to publicize my affinity for dating strangers through the internet last summer.

Also, it's not super short. I had 25 minutes of footage and managed to edit it down to 8 minutes, so ya'll be grateful. Here is the only thing that the people at ABC may ever hear from me, or the beginning to a beautiful ginger train wreck.

ENJOY.

*This tape has been deleted as well as any evidence I was ever an Arie supporter, thank you for your understanding. - Management*

AHHHHHHHHHHH

Today, dreams became reality for two people. Arie Luyendyk is finally the bachelor, and I might finally audition.

a'lsdkfal;sdkj;alfdsjk

I have been watching the Bachelor for a very long time, and I have stalked many contestants over the years. But the longest gently-stalked contestant is for certain Arie, because LOOK AT HIM.

THESE EYES COULD END ALL WARS IM SURE OF IT

I have been following him on social media as long as I've known of his existence, hoping to see him grace my TV screen again. But time after time again he was unjustly passed up to be the Bachelor and it is on this historic day of September that ABC finally came to their senses.

Also, I may have sort of kind of already met him once upon a time BUT it was for 2 seconds at an actual meet and greet not like a happenstance rom-com-meet-cute. I was one of many fan girls that night, and he one thousand percent has no recollection. But none of that matters.

What matters is I made a promise.

A promise to all of my MANY MANY (like 3) blog followers that I, Makenzie Vance, would never ever go on the Bachelor UNLESS that Bachelor was Arie.

AN EXCERPT FROM MY BACHELOR RECAP WEEK 1 POST I AM NOT EVEN KIDDING YOU

IT MAY HAVE BEEN IN JEST, BUT I AM A WOMAN OF MY WORD.

AND I LOVE ATTENTION.

But nothing is for certain. They usually have casting calls in Salt Lake but nothing's been listed as of yet. This may all be a pipe dream and I never hear from them again and watch him fall in love with the villain of the season and cry. OR.

This could be the best season any of you Bachelor fans have ever watched.

GUYS.

I am asking for your good vibes. Do whatever you can. Bribe the producers, spam their twitter accounts, leave threatening notes under their doormats, I DON'T CARE. This has to happen. For all of us.

All for one, and one for all.

*We're All in this Together theme song plays*

TINDERER FANS UNITE.

LETS GET THIS BISH ON THE BACHELOR.

LEZ DO THIS.