The Recap of all Recaps

To all my weeping children who are heart broken that I never posted a bachelor finale recap, my sincerest apologies. I started writing and stopped. And started and stopped. And then just never got back into it. The satisfaction I got from roasting people I didn't know on a TV show was just no longer there. At the end of the day, Nick seems very happy. And after the Bachelor beer goggles were removed and the girls realized he wasn't even that cute in the first place, I think they are just fine. Most of them will be in Mexico this summer when Bachelor in Paradise films which was most of their original goals all along.

I joke a lot about how the Bachelor makes me feel better about my life, but I'm also pretty serious about that. I use it to distract myself so I can focus on the negative in other people's lives. And I think, "At least my stupid life isn't broadcasted weekly!" But, like, I still don't feel THAT much better about my life. Turns out spending hours scrutinizing strangers doesn't actually make my life any different! It's all just entertainment. A guilty pleasure. A questionable time waster. But sometimes it actually stresses me out. Because even though reality show contestants are coached and edited so much we can't ever really get to know them, they are still real people. We are seeing a small, tiny slice of their life. I hated when Corinne mentioned having anxiety, one of the girls disputed it saying they all felt the way she did. My girl stood up for herself and said that they are not her and couldn't possibly know that, but it still felt so icky. I would never say half the things I say to any of these girls faces, because I don't know them like that and probably never will. I have half considered deleting this entire blog because it's just paragraphs of salt and bitterness and it's like WOW I did not raise myself to be like this!

Things people who read my blog know about me:

1. I have been on a million Tinder dates.
2. None of them have worked out.
3. I am bitter.
4. I am very bitter.
5. Sometimes I am funny.

Things people who know me in real life know about me:

1. I have strong opinions about more than just D-list celebs, like, things that actually matter.
2. I love my cat more than most people.
3. I get incredibly giddy around boys I actually care about, it's kind of embarrassing.
4. I'm a great tipper.
5. I is smart. I is kind. I is important.

That was just a small list to make a point that I am more than the petty, self-deprecating drama queen that I am on this blog. These past few months have been insanely difficult for me, and I tried really hard not to really let anyone see that. Especially friends of Facebook friends who straight up do not know me. But then I didn't feel like writing anymore when I felt terrible. I'll do it tomorrow. I'll do it when I feel better. But that feeling wasn't going away, and I didn't feel like I was being authentic. I was watching the show and coming up with quips I thought people would enjoy, but I found myself editing myself more and more so people wouldn't hear Depressive Episode Kenzie come out. This blog was supposed to be about whatever I wanted, but I somehow ended up painting myself into a corner and mentally shushed myself about anything negative going on in my life. I joke about it through GIF's and memes and relating to human train wrecks on my television. And it's all just a coping mechanism, and I'm not sure anymore if it's a good one. WOAH we're getting deep here. But I've been thinking a lot about what kind of person I want to be. On this blog I'm a sarcastic princess looking for her prince in tin foil. But I'm SO much more than that. And it feels weird to just talk about one aspect of my life when it's such a small one. Especially these days. For starters, I have not added Tinder for like idk, a few months now? And I have tried other dating apps and I hate them all. I'm straight up just not interested in meeting people on the internet anymore. I think it can do wonders for some people but even if Mr. Makenzie Vance is on there somewhere, I just have a feeling I will meet him elsewhere. Like, he can have all the fun he wants especially after reading about my shenanigans. But I don't need a jam packed dating life right now. Or even a lightly packed one. The last time I went on a date was... beginning of January, I think? It was a Tinder date, and it ended on a weird note. We were hanging out with his friends who were drinking (me and him were chugging DP's) and one of them got super drunk and ranted about global warming and she threw a bottle at my dates head and long story short I'm pretty sure she destroyed a lot of friendships that night.

Ugh.

I'm telling you, if I could just get one movie producer on my side I could be sitting pretty on a beach in Spain right now and not in Ken Doll Utah where every man has blonde hair and a horrible haircut. I mean seriously how long can we go on making fun of girls looking the same when guys don't even try to differentiate themselves anymore??? How long????????

Flip how did we get here. Oh yes! My crappy dating life. Old faithful. But I want to emphasize that I am not dating anyone right now by choice. I am not putting myself out there, I am not trying to meet new people, I am the equivalent of a better-smelling hermit with a less hoardy apartment.

Things that are more important than dating right now:

1. Finding a new place to live in 2 months.
2. Running my business.
3. Paying my bills.
4. Taking care of my physical / mental health.
5. Literally everything.

So basically, what I'm trying to say is... I like you guys a LOT. You're all such shining stars. But this relationship has run it's course. It's time for us to move on, to bigger and better things. Let's have a moment of silence for all of our fallen comrades... the Hand Holding Bandit... Pinocchio... Ponytail Derek... the catcallers... Corinne... and all the exploited men who made this blog possible.

For now this blog will stand as a memorial, a historic monument that will be known throughout time as The Emotionally Unstable Girl Who Decided Tinder Was a Good Idea For Some Reason and Somehow Didn't Die. Or TEUGWDTWAGIFSRASDD. Okay, Tinderer is a lot easier to remember so we'll go with that.

We can still be friends... right?