WEEK 3 PT. 2 // Ponytail Derek

Saturday Night: Ponytail Derek

Welcome to part 2 of this week's datescapades, credit to my girl Kayla for that new beautiful word. I honestly did not think I would learn anything from this experience. I only wanted to vent my dating frustrations and let others get a kick out of my pain. But with each new date I am learning way more about myself than I thought I would. Woah, what? Dating actually has benefits other than to torture us good, single people? I don't think Tinder is for everyone. But I highly recommend putting yourself out there, in any way/shape/form possible. If anything, you'll have some good stories to tell and will have something to do on weekends other than watch movies with your cat (Lily loves anything starring Ryan Gosling.)

Ponytail Derek is strictly describing his general aesthetic and not his personality. For those who don't know, this is a Perks of Being a Wallflower reference and the Ponytail Derek in that movie is a big jerk. This guy is not like that. He wasn't even wearing a ponytail when I met him. Lol. I will explain.

By Saturday night I had already been on 2 dates and was pretty pooped. He didn't get off work til 9, which my grandma schedule is not used to yet. I debate canceling, but for my adoring fans and personal self-loathing, I meet up for our pre-planned date. The first thing I noticed about Ponytail Derek was how tall he was. He wasn't one of those guys who put his height in his Tinder profile so I had zero expectations and was pleasantly surprised. For all the meninists (why are you here) thinking I am soooooo shallow for even considering height and wah wah wah, please have a seat. There is a proportional amount of men that prefer women to be shorter as there are women who prefer men be taller. The others who don't care still find love and seem very happy. That is super duper cool. But I LIKE TALL GUYS. Whoopty-freaking-doo.

#sorrynotsorry

The second thing I notice is his long, luxurious hair. I am tempted to ask what shampoo he uses but I'll save that for another time. This is also the first guy that is just as chatty as I am, so our conversation is flowing very smoothly. I don't even remember what we talked about at first, but I know there weren't any awkward silences. We were eating at Sonic, and I had a bomb milkshake, so I was very happy. The Sonic in Provo is near this walkway that curves around the river that he suggests we explore. It isn't well lit, but we walk surprisingly far with someone of my low stamina and disinterest in physical activities. My constant talking distracts me from the darkness and possible dead bodies in the water. We pass under a bridge where homeless people definitely sleep and joke about moving in. Maybe this is where Prince lives? I look around, but with no sign of him I continue our night stroll.

After our walk we decide to drive over to a park (AGAIN, he could have murdered me by the river and didn't, so my chances are pretty good). This is where I find out he has to have his hair in a ponytail for work, and the name Ponytail Derek just stuck in my brain. This is also where our deep conversations begin. By deep, I mean we talk about philosophy and our beliefs instead of what our favorite flavor toothpaste is. I find out he isn't an active LDS member but he says he still believes in the core values. I can work with this. By that I mean I am not disregarding him off the bat because of his status in the church. The dating I'm doing right now isn't supposed to be super serious anyways... Because I am a carefree spirit who overanalyzes nothing. :D

Anyways.

So we are sitting on the park bench and he has his arm around me and I feel like we could be in just about any indie movie. He half-joked about jumping the gate into the nearby waterpark so it fits. Play the soundtrack from 500 Days of Summer and BOOM, a Sundance Film Festival hit.

Since I have obviously already stalked him on the internet, I knew he was a musician. He mentions he has a show coming up and I jump at the opportunity to be a groupie. There's something about boys in bands that I am insanely attracted to... which is why I am single and on Tinder! I tell him I want to watch him play and he seems totally fine with it. Buuuuut you know how this works, that experience will be discussed next week. Ugh.

I get home around 1:30, which is extremely late for me even on a weekend. But he texts me asking if I made it home safe, which is sups adorbs. 5 stars. Okay, does anyone else wish we could rate Tinder dates and leave reviews? It'd be so much easier.

"Asked me to marry him first date. 2 stars."
"Opened my door for me, but his car smelled like feet. 1 star."
"Called me the wrong name and said it was because I looked like his ex. 0 stars."

Who knows someone that works for Tinder? I need to speak to them immediately.

You guys are in for a treat because I'll be posting Part 2 of my Art of Tindering series on Saturday! Part 1 was a pretty big hit. I noticed the more mean my posts are the more popular they are... so... ya'll asked for it. Here comes the sass.