WEEK 4 // Ponytail Derek PT. 2

This is late late late but there's a reason for that. It's because I couldn't decide for the life of me what I wanted to talk about. I went on two dates this week, but both were non-Tinder dates. I don't mind discussing actual dates, but the problem is both gentleman are in my ward. One is very aware of this blog (what up) and I don't think the other has any idea. I just don't want to be known as the serial dater in the ward that blogs about it and says mean things. Because I would probably eventually be called into the bishops office, and also hurting their feelings is not my intent at all. Both of these guys were incredibly nice, had the guts to ask me out (one chased me down in the parking lot!), and I want to give them kudos for that. That stuff is hard. Which is why I have avoided it for most of my life. So I am not going to punish them by blasting our dates on the internet. If either of them was a jerk I might be singing a different tune. If I can ever prevent any other ladies in the ward from having to suffer, I will make it my calling to do so. Okay but could you imagine a ward calling like that? "We would like to sustain Sister Vance as the new Ward Dating Specialist, all those in favor please manifest it."

But I think the reason these dates happened when they did, is because I distinctly remember telling myself that weekend that I needed a break from dating. I was going to take a week off because I felt really burnt out. And then suddenly I had 2 more dates planned. OKAY I GET IT. This is my life now, and there is no turning back. And I only have 4 weeks left. If Britney Spears can get through 2007, I can make it through this month.

I think.

THURSDAY NIGHT // Ponytail Derek

As you remember he was playing a show that I enthusiastically invited myself to. I tried finding friends to go with me, but it was a Thursday night so everyone was busy. Although I think this goes against some sort of dating handbook rule, I decided going by myself was not going to be a big deal. I genuinely wanted to hear him play and as I previously mentioned, I needed to imagine him in that tux I talked about. When I got there I immediately regretted my decision. From what I could tell everyone was in friend groups or on dates. There were a few people by themselves glued to the wall, so I decided to also do that. He was backstage rehearsing, and I texted him letting him know I was there not expecting a reply. I just needed to look busy because suddenly I felt so aware of being alone in this dimly lit room. I'm not going to tell you where this concert was, because it wouldn't be hard to identify him after that. I'm sure anyone who pays the slightest bit of attention to the music scene in Provo can already narrow it down. Congratsies

Anyway, he starts playing his set and I stood near the front so he could see me, but off to the side so hopefully no one else could. Standing there alone staring up at my tinder match I felt very um... pathetic. Did I look as desperate as I felt? Should I just bail now and pretend I was never there? And when he asks where I went I tell him he has me mistaken for my twin I forgot to mention? No. Stupid. Don't be a baby. After he finishes and comes back out, I see him talking to a few people by the side of the stage. Of course I am going to say hi, but in my head I felt like that was his job. I came out to his show, he should find me and at the very least thank me for coming. Instead I stand there for an eternity patiently waiting for him about 6 feet away. The next band starts playing, and he has yet to acknowledge my presence. Is this really happening? Did he hate the fact that I showed up? Is that his girlfriend talking to him? I'ma freak out if it is. Okay, so no it wasn't his girlfriend. I'm just giving you all an inside look into how my brain works. Because the ending to this story will give you an inside look into how all the male brains work that I have ever encountered.

It's been 15 minutes since his show ended, and he is still acting like I am invisible. Maybe I am? Have I finally achieved my lifelong dream of being a fly on the wall because I am a nosy smitch? Ugh. NO, girl, he ignoring you. Hard. I have 3 options at this point:

1) Run. Run far. Until I can't run anymore. So like... the next block over. Walk the rest of the way to my car in shame.

2) Go up to him and be super snarky. Tell him I don't appreciate being ignored and ask why he's being so sketchy. Yell "WHO IS SHE???" super loud.

3) Talk to him like an emotionally stable human.

I think about all my options, and decide the 3rd is the most adult-like thing to do. I approach and say hi, tell him he sounded good, pretend I am not pissed at all, the usual. I tell him I'm not staying, because I had a friend staying at my house that night, which was true. Could I have stayed longer? Yeah. But I was extremely uncomfortable and he clearly was not going to hang out with me the rest of the show. He says, "We should hang out sometime!" which is guy code for either "I never want to see you ever again" or "we should hang out sometime." It could go either way. I leave, and am pretty mad at myself for not foreseeing how poorly this was all going to go. Life was not an indie movie. I am just a Tinder girl, in a Tinder world. Life in matches. Not fantastic!

OOOH OOOH. COME ON EVERYONE SING ALONG.

We end up meeting up later the next week (I'm breaking my rule of chronological order but this is important to the story), so obviously I find an opportunity to bring it up. I mention that I felt a little ignored at his show, and he begins to look confused. He takes a few seconds to remember what happened that night. He claims he saw me when he was performing but didn't notice me standing nearby after. He explained that he was just doing his own thing and that's why he usually doesn't invite people he knows to his shows. HOW DID I MISS THAT BEFORE?!? He probably had tried to steer me away from coming and I wasn't getting the hint. I had the 500 Days of Summer soundtrack blasting too loudly in my head. Oops.

So basically, I misinterpreted everything and overreacted for no reason. Sounds about right! Way to go, me. We still talk sometimes but I think we both know it's not going to be anything serious. Although I never found out what shampoo he uses, I'm glad I gave it a chance. I learned that I really need to chill, and stop assuming the worst out of every man. The only upside to this is being pleasantly surprised when they do something very average. "You remembered my name??? Wow you're a gem, what are you doing for the rest of your life? You busy? Wanna get married?" But I will try to rewire my brain to stop taking things personally, as much fun as it is to make everything about me. Sometimes a guy isn't trying to piss you off and is literally not thinking about it. Or anything. I still haven't figured out how this occurs. If I'm not thinking about anything, assume I am comatose and take me to the hospital immediately.