Week 5 & 6 // Love Yo Self

Hello! Hi! I'm alive. I haven't been killed on any of my final Tinder dates. I went on 2 Tinder dates for week 5 & 6, unintentionally with the same 2 guys. And I have been stumped on exactly what to talk about. I couldn't think of anything funny to say, because they were perfectly good dates with REALLY NICE guys that didn't do anything wrong. They were absolute gems, cream of the crop, total sweetie poos, and completely dateable. Then it hit me! Although they were both very different, the same thing was lacking with both of them. That illusive minx, that uncontrollable power that makes or breaks a relationship: chemistry. I've talked about this a little here and there, but never into depth. But I have a lot of opinions on this subject, making it the perfect thing for me to ramble about. It's been very downplayed in church talks and even in conversations with fellow singletons, which is a shame. Chemistry is EVERYTHING. Every-thing.

I'm going to correct a few misconceptions right now about what chemistry means. Chemistry is not how cute you think they are. Chemistry is not how similar their personality is to yours. Chemistry is not how good of a kisser they are. Chemistry is simply how connected you feel to a person for unknown reasons beyond the realm of anything I can put into words. I have dated people I did not initially think were super cute, I've dated people that were the opposite of me in every way, and I've dated people that were not even that great of kissers, but I still really liked them because we had good chemistry! It's a thing. It's real. And it's important! Chemistry doesn't guarantee you'll be together forever. But it's a good place to start. I am a very passionate person who doesn't like to half-do things. If I'm in a relationship, I want to be giddy about that person. I want my eyes to light up and my heart to race when someone mentions their name. As a 25 unmarried person, I am told this goes away over time. But ya'll got me MESSED UP if you think I am not hoping for that to last for the good first part of a relationship and even marriage. I'm going to tell you guys something really cute, okay? I was talking to my mom about this, and she said she still gets butterflies when my dad walks into the room. And she didn't even have to say this out loud for all us kids to notice, because she usually jumps on him and makes sure to gross us out with how affectionate she is every time he comes home. Okay, not EVERY time, but a fair amount more than is probably normal for people who have been married as long as they have (almost 30 years!) This is also just their personalities, but consequently it is also mine. It's something I look forward to, and something I know is possible. And I'm holding out for that!

Speaking of my mom, whenever I tell her I went on a nice date with somebody but I just didn't feel that spark, she claims I need to give it more of a chance. Maybe I will grow more attracted to them as I get to know them, and I might be missing out on my husband and her future grandbabies. While I have yet to convince her my kitten is a perfectly good substitute grandchild, I am also not somebody who needs a lot of time to figure out if I have chemistry with someone. In fact, for me, this is very instant. It's a blessing and a curse. I know right away if that romantic connection is missing, and no amount of time that passes ever changes that. Especially with somebody I'm not sure about, it never amounts to anything more than what I initially felt as a friendship no matter how many dates we go on. There is nothing wrong with this, as long as that other person also knows about it. Leading people on is super uncool, and I encourage everyone to be honest with people they are dating. But if you are the one that is rejected and told they weren't feeling it romantically, but you were, dat sux. I'm sorry it didn't work out. But you can't get hung up on this person. If you want to remain friends with them, be my guest, as long as you can handle it emotionally. If you continue to be friends with them and later complain about "friend zoning" even if that person has made it clear of their intentions, I have a question for you:

Why. Do. You. Want. To. Date. Someone. Who. Doesn't. Like. You???

How massochistic is that? There is a video I saw recently that is laiden with strong language so I won't share it on here, but the basic message was this: unrequited love is not a thing. It's a myth. Romantic love is something shared between two people. Anything else is infatuation, obsession, or lust. U mad yet? You can disagree all you want. But the fact that someone is not interested in you should be the most unattractive quality about them. Why are we getting stuck on people who blatantly don't want us? If I could go back in time and tell my younger self anything, it would be to stop thinking about *insert dumb boy's name here* because the fact I devoted any time to someone who did not care about me makes me want to scream. So now I am going to scream at you. YOU ARE THE BEST THING SINCE SLICED BREAD AND WAY BETTER THAN NUTELLA HOW DARE YOU SECOND GUESS THAT. YOU DON'T NEED A STANKY BOY OR GIRL TO TELL YOU THAT YOU ARE A BEAUTIFUL ANGELIC BEAM OF LIGHT AND IF THEY DON'T SEE THAT THEY DEAD DUMB.

Write that on your mirror if you have to. I am going to end on this quote:

LOVE. YO. SELF.